On April 17, 2012, 21-year-old Chandler Gerber was driving down a silent, deserted stretch of rural Indiana highway on his way to work. As such, he didn't see the harm in briefly trading text messages with his wife. Gerber also didn't see the Amish buggy before he rear-ended it at 60 miles per hour.
The results were devastating: clothes strewn across the pavement, a crumpled buggy, a mangled horse, a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old dead.
Weeks after the horrific accident, Gerber received a letter from Martin Swartz, the father of the children whose lives Gerber had negligently taken. Here's what it said:
Trusting in God's ways, How does this find you? Hope all in good health and in good cheer. Around here we're all on the go and trying to make the best we can. I always wonder if we take enough time with our children. Wishing you the best with your little one and the unknown future. I think of you often. Keep looking up. God is always there.
Martin and Mary Swartz.
believe that God smiles on acts of grace that open doors for
reconciliation," Donald B. Kraybill, a distinguished professor at Elizabethtown College explained in 2007.
But forgiveness is not only grounded in faith, but also in science. In 1996, University of Wisconsin educational psychologist Robert Enright developed a process model of forgiveness. It can be broken down into four phases: uncovering anger, deciding to forgive, working on forgiveness, and discovery and release from emotional pain.
Enright tried out his forgiveness training on 12 female incest survivors. Six of the women served as an experimental group, and immediately received Enright's intervention, which was delivered in a set number of sessions spread over 14 months. The remaining women -- serving as controls -- were wait-listed and received the intervention only when their counterparts finished.
The results were glowing. Members of the experimental group became significantly more hopeful, and their levels of anxiety and depression decreased dramatically. Fifteen years later, the benefits remained.
More studies have been conducted since, by Enright and others. A 2004 meta-analysis
of forgiveness training found the therapy to be promising, but not
completely validated due mostly to a dearth of published research.
The University of Arizona's A.J. Clark put forth the following neurological explanation for the power of forgiveness in 2005:
"The cornerstone hypothesis is that, before forgiveness takes place,
memories periodically arouse fear stemming from the amygdala. This fear
drives a pattern of anger and fight-or-flight readiness. Under
appropriate circumstances the frontal cortex interrupts the pattern and
quells the fear response in the amygdala. The resultant relaxation of
muscular tension signals the cortex that forgiveness has occurred. In
addition, the memory pathway from the rhinal cortex and hippocampus to
the amygdala is inhibited. Finally, a tangible act confirms that the
memories no longer stimulate the amygdala and the pattern of anger and
stress do not recur."